Step Up To The Altar of Stupidity

Names have been omitted to protect the stupid. There are too many whackos out there and I don't want to be responsible for someone's death, rape, abduction by aliens, or anything else really bad like that just because they're dumb. Besides, I think that it is more torturous for someone to know that half the world is laughing at him (or her) even though half the world doesn't know it is him (or her) they're laughing at :)

Note: All comments written below are written purely in jest. They are not meant to be taken seriously.

Another Note: Brought about by my own thoughts and complete and utter boredom, I thought I should mention that I did not write any of these questions. They were all sent to me by real people.

Below are the older questions and comments I got. Starting with the oldest, and getting newer as you scroll down.

Q:"Can I have the first message in the stupid e-mail section of your web page?"

A:Yes, you can. You must be very proud of yourself. You're the first person who was stupid enough that he (or she) could not read simple English. Of course, there is another possibility. You could just be enough of a pompous ass that you took it upon yourself to force me into making a section of my page that I didn't want to create.

Q:"Hey Kane! Who have you ever wanted to rape?"

A:I never really wanted to rape anyone. I don't approve of it because I see no point in the act since I can't see how it could be possible that anyone would get pleasure out of it. Also, I've never wished rape on anyone because of my lack of approval of the act. But, since you brought it up, and this section is growing in length, I'm starting to think that maybe I should modify my stance and wish rape on all the sick screwballs who ask me idiotic questions. I feel that these people have the same problem as rapists: They get pleasure from something that most people are repulsed by.

Q:"Hey Kane! Are you gay. If not, will you ever want to be gay?"

A:For those of you who haven't figured it out yet, first, you should write me a letter asking me a question because you deserve to be published here. Second, this question comes from the same sick mind that wrote the question before this one. This question can be taken in one of two ways. It all depends on the definition of gay that you want to use. Under the definition, "Gay(adj)-Happy," yes I am gay. I try to generally keep myself in a gay mood. Otherwise, I would be nothing but a sarcastic grump moping around the dorm. Under the definition, "Gay(adj)-Homosexual," no, I am not gay. I like my heterosexuality and, as of right now, intend to stay that way.

Q:"Would you ever want to just kiss the President of the United States and make out with him on national television?"

A:Well, even though that question could be interpreted two ways (depends who you consider the president these days), the truth is that I don't want to kiss Hillary or Bill. But I must say, that saxophone is so shiny that one day I might just give in to temptation...

This page was originally designed for dumb questions. But I feel that the following exerpts from some E-mails I got will fit in nicely.

Comment:"Die you bastard.....or should I say, flaming homosexual reject. I heard that you were'nt a ska fan...I'm going to have to rape you for that one..."

Response:First, I must refer you back to a previous question asking me if I ever wanted to rape anyone. The answer is still no. But this sick, demented bastard is exactly the type of person who I feel deserves to be raped. I mean, he (or she) wants to rape me because he (or she) HEARD I'm not a ska fan. First off, I happen to like ska. I think that the genre has it's faults, but its still good music. So therefore, this person wants to rape me because of something he (or she) doesn't even know is true. Second, even if I didn't like ska, this person, as an obvious ska fan, shouldn't want to rape me anyway. Ska is a genre of music that originated as a way to spread a message of peace and unity. Wanting to rape someone purely because that person doesn't like the same type of music as you clearly does not fall under the category of a peaceful action. And as far as the flaming homosexual reject thing goes, my stance on being gay remains the same (See previous question asking me if I want to be gay). However, I don't think that this person called me a homosexual because they felt that I am a homosexual. I feel that this particular comment came from someone who was just pissed off. Of course, this person is a ska fan and should be a peaceful person as opposed to a pissed off one.

Comment:"Yeah! Yeah! My websiyte is the greatest thing since sliced bread. So, rot in hell you dick licker!"

Response:If sliced bread is the only thing your web site beats, you need to make some serious improvements. Who cares about sliced bread? I mean, if you have a loaf of bread and a knife, cut the goddamn slices and eat a few if you want to, then throw 'em in the fridge so they don't turn green and then get on with your life. Any idiot can slice bread. Any idiot can make a web page. But it takes true intelligence (or lack thereof in some cases) to make a truly great site.

Comments:1."your frame is fucked up...you best be fixing that!"
2."the formatting is all screwy! make em wider or don't do em...they don't work for your page"
3."the explanations look like shit! only explain them on the main page not the frame"
4."I am giving you construction criticism! I am only trying to let you know my opinion!"

Response:Needless to say, I had a little fun with this. Let me share with you the E-mail I sent to this person in response:
"My friend, telling me to do what you think should be done or not do it at all is NOT constructive criticism. If you want to let me know your opinion, fine, I really don't mind that. But sitting there and ranting about how the format of my frames is "screwy," and then not even telling me what makes them screwy does not help me (ergo, once again, I can throw the term "constructive criticism" right out the window when applied to this situation since your criticism constructs nothing of any practical value). It only says that there is a pompous ass out there who believes himself to be the authority on framed web pages when he can't even articulate what makes something look not right to him.
Let us review the beginnings of your "constructive criticism." The first thing you told me was "your frame is fucked up... you best be fixing that!" All you did here was tell me you didn't like the changes I made to my web page and you did so in an aggressive manner that caused me to, naturally, become very defensive. Two people arguing in these respective states of mind does not help either side. You are not able to get your point across because you have angered me in your aggressive critique and made me not want to listen to what you have to say. Therefore, you sit there trying to get a point across to someone who refuses to listen because all you did was insult me and order me around. If you wanted to be constructive, the least you could have done was described what you feel is "fucked up," and, God forbid, offer a suggestion on what you think I should do.
Since I was curious about what it was you were ranting and raving about, I asked you to articulate in a second letter what should have been said in the first letter. I asked you what was wrong with my page. Your reply: "the formatting is all screwy! make em wider or don't do em...they don't work for your page" "Screwy" is a relative term. What one person considers screwy could be perfectly normal to another. In no way does this help me to improve my page. The next thing you said was nothing more than another order. Nobody wants to take orders when it comes to their creative work. Especially when those orders come from a pompous ass. Next, you proceeded to state your opinion again in a way that was very aggressive. Also, once again, you neglected to take the time to tell me WHY you feel frames don't work for my page. You also neglected to mention WHY I should make the frames wider. How is any of this constructive criticism when you offer no suggestions for improvement whatsoever?
The next letter I recieved actually contained some constructive criticism. However, the exclamation point at the the end does not leave a good impression. It seems as if it's another order.
In letter number four, you reverted back to barking orders at me and insulting my page. Nobody reacts in a calm manner when you tell them that something they created looks "like shit." WHY do they look like shit? HOW can it be improved upon? I must admit, you did answer that last question, but, once again, you did so in the form of a mandate from the web page god, who you seem to feel is yourself. The next "paragraph" (I wont bring grammar into this argument) finally has some more criticism that I find useful. Also, it was presented in a manner which does not make me feel insulted or defensive. However, the damage was already done.
Once again, I must allude to the pompous ass term because a pompous ass is the only type of person who believes himself to be a god at anything. I reiterate that constructive criticism does not come from insults, orders and mandates, but from comments and suggestions. Also, I do not want to have to yank every suggestion for my page from you while dodging your insults and orders like a dentist pulling teeth from a kid who is kicking and screaming.
Kev"

Q:"Dear Sir, Have you ever masturbated before? If so, do you ever want to do it in public?"

A:OK...this is definitely something I did not count on when I made this page. But, this is a very stupid question that I have been asked. So, first off I would like to say that anyone who is willing to ask me if I masturbate is probably the same kind of sick bastard who I feel deserves to be raped (see earlier question on the subject). With that in mind, I will not address the first part of that question. If someone masturbates, that's their own business and, quite frankly, I don't want to know if they do or not. Now, on to the second question. No, I do not want to masturbate in public. Aside from the fact that it probably violates some public code of decency concerning exposure, it's damn disgusting! Public codes don't bother me too much. What does bother me is that there people who come up with ideas to do stuff like that. People like that deserve to be raped.....in public!!!!

Q:"have you ever wished to smoke pot near a school and run around playing jurassic park and fake fighting, then drive to teh beach for no apparent reason?"

A:To be totally honest with you, no I never wished for that to happen. As a matter of fact, I don't think anyone would wish for that to happen (except for the part about smoking pot). The truth is, all that sounds pretty damn stupid to any mature person who is not stoned or drunk off their ass. However, when someone IS stoned (eg from smoking pot), playing Jurassic Park and fake fighting sounds like one hell of a good time. So, if someone wished to smoke pot near a school (a wish that is quite common, I'm sure), there's a damn good chance that, after they got stoned, they would want to play Jurassic Park and fake fight. I am quite sure that I am no different.

Q:"Dear Sir, Have you ever want to screw your car up the tailpipe? Or maybe even give the shift stick a blowjob? In fact, have you EVER done it before? I sure have. And I LOVE IT!"

A:Sorry there buddy. I have to be totally honest with you and say that I have never had the desire to do any of the things you mentioned. But if you enjoy performing sexual acts on inanimate objects, you just go right ahead. Although I have to say that I cannot understand why anyone would want to put anything up a car's tailpipe. A car's tailpipe is incredibly rusty, not to mention all the fumes that are probably present there because the tailpipe leads directly to the car's exhaust system. Those fumes, I might add, will probably do very interesting things to things you stick up the car's tailpipe. Maybe even SHRINK them or turn them into SHRIVELED disgusting masses. As far as performing felatio on the shifter, well, given that the shifter is usually touched by one's hands, if you enjoy all those oils that cause pimples to form, do whatever the hell you want.

Comment:"Hey Kane! It's me the rapist again. (see question 2) I'd just like to let you know that over the past few months I have raped 174 women and I'd like to let you know that I loved every minute of it. I sodomized 56 of them and I forced 27 of them into satisfying me orally. Yup, I even raped one in public in a shopping mall but it didn't get on the news cause I used the neuralizer from Men In Black and erased everyone's memory. Anyway, just to let you know, I am still screwing my beautiful car and well, you should try it I insist!"

Response: The only thing I can say to that is - Anything worth doing is worth doing right; and if it's fun, do it alot! But I don't feel that screwing a car's tailpipe or raping people (even in public places) would be too much fun nor do I think it's worth doing. But, to each his own. So, here's to you, the best friend named Bubba whose salad I'm sure you'd be happy to toss (you will undoubtedly meet him soon), and the nice men in the white coats who will probably introduce you to Bubba. Life is short. Have fun with it.

Comment: "A mind is a terrible thing to waste. Luckily, no one wasted one on you!"

Response: Funny, I was just thinking the same thing about you. Hey, maybe you're one of those freaky people who reads people's minds, and then says whatever those people were thinking about them... I mean, there's no way you could have been thinking that about me. Especially since you sent me that comment with the intent of getting a response from me. Without a mind, there's no way I could have responded to this, or any of these other idiotic questions and comments that I constantly field. Therefore, you, knowing I had a mind, sent me a comment insinuating that I have no mind. Damn you're a schmuck! Either that or you're just a complete psycho.

Comment: "I mock your page. Mock, Mock. Why have it up at all? It has no real purpose. Could it be that Tony's Page of Cerulean blue, is the epitomy of what html authoring should be about. Its not even complete. Yet people from all over beg to have a guest column. Yes Tony's page Of Cerulean Blue, is quite a wonder. I bet you don't even like Cerulean Blue.... In fact I'll disregard any comment that you put up on your shrine because as everyone knows people who don't like cerulean blue are the true ignorant dumbasses, and it takes a dumbass like you to put up such a pitiful page. Rock on, dancing Spot!!!"

Response: Go ahead, mock my page all you want. I put it up here to be mocked. Hell, I mock my page! I can't believe you haven't noticed that. You obviously haven't read anything on my page. And no, it doesn't have any real purpose. In fact, I think I more than admitted that quite a few times. Maybe if you had READ the page, you'd have noticed that too. And c'mon, buddy, be honest. Your page has absolutely no purpose either. It's a page about sky blue. Ok, so the sky isn't just blue, it just happens to be Cerulean Blue. Who gives a shit? Yes, I appreaciate the great color of the sky every now and then, it happens to look quite nice sometimes, but I don't devote my life to it. Your page is basically every bit as much a waste of time as mine is. The only difference is that I'm wasting time and just flat out admitting it. You're wasting time telling people about the color of the sky. As far as that Cerulean Blue page being the epitome of what web authoring is about, I hightly doubt that. I could write that page in about an hour (if not less). We're not exactly talking about advanced web design here. If you want to know what web authoring is really about, check out some of those DHTML and Shockwave sites out there. The Cerulean Blue page is about on the level of my page almost a year ago. That's right. A WHOLE YEAR! That's a long time and if you asked those who have frequented this site since its inception, you'd find that I've come a long way from where your site is now. So, you've got guest columns, huh? I saw your site, son, and I only saw ONE! That's right, ONE GUEST COLUMN. Meanwhile, I have this here Shrine which is full of twelve previous dumbass comments and questions (the Waste of Time equivalent to Cerulean Blue guest columns) dating back to (once again) LAST YEAR. Not only that, but I RESPOND to these things, making my page somewhat interactive. What do you have? Some people, who, as guest columnists have be a part of some sort of elite given the way you mentioned them above, write some stuff about their experiences with the color of the sky. While I like the concept and all, how interesting can these stories really be? My page offers the chance for any average Joe who has something interesting to say to get it out on the web. So who are you to tell me that my page isn't what HTML authoring is about? Who are you to boast about one measly guest column? I have a slightly more advanced page HTML-wise, and I have a page that is devoted the words of anyone who can find something semi-worthwhile to say. Also, who are you to say that I don't like Cerulean Blue? As I said before, I appreciate the color of the sky every now and then. It's quite nice. You dumb pompous ass. Don't go flapping your mouth off when you don't know what you're talking about. Finally, you say you'll disregard any comment that I put up? I believe you contradicted yourself there sonny boy. You submitted this specifically for the Shrine. You WANTED to be put up here. You WANTED to see how I'd respond. Well guess what, buddy boy? You've seen it. I've disproven everything you said. Who's the ignorant dumbass now, huh? Maybe YOU don't like Cerulean Blue and you're insecure about it and had to put up a web page to hide this little facet of your personality that bothers you so much. And as far Spot, yeah he's cool and all, but what does he have to do with Cerulean Blue? You seem to use him as something representative of the page. I don't see how. Cerulean Blue being represented by a RED dot? Hmmm.... Seek help. Lots of it.

Q:"Did you know that the bong that was smoked out of (Scooby) in front of the school that was in question was mine? It was also destroyed by a fellow named George?"

A:Really? I don't recall any mention of a bong in that question... In fact, I think that person specifically used the term "smoke pot." I don't know how you think of these things, but to me smoking pot entails the use of a pipe or a joint or maybe a hooka, not a bong. Using a bong usually means you've taken bong hits, not smoked pot. At least that's how I see it... So, Scooby was destroyed by some guy named George, huh? Too bad. No more Scooby snacks for you...

Q:"Hey, you piece of SH**! Ya know? Im sick and tired of you making fun of all these damn people just because they're "mentally challenged"! Ya wanna call them dumbasses? Well, F*** YOU! Im gonna come to your damn dorm and beat the bagongas outta ya, ya hear? And then I'm gonna take that stupid computer of yours and shove it up where the sun don't shine and you'll have to walk around like a sumo wrestler for the rest of your damn life! And this IS a death threat by the way or a masturbation threat, whichever you wish to take it. Thank you, and I LOVE YOU, MAN!"

A:In case you haven't noticed there, buddy, this whole thing is completely voluntary. Not to mention the disclaimer I have at the bottom that says very clearly that these comments are all in gest. Maybe you oughta learn to read... I'm not doing this to make fun of mentally challenged people. I'm doing this because geniuses like you ask stupid questions like that one! And if you don't like that, well, you come right on over to my dorm. That is, if you can find it :) All you know is that I go to Syracuse U. Well guess what, brainiac, there's more than one dorm here and you can't get into any of them unless someone lets you in and, judging from your message, nobody would let you in. I mean, what kind of deranged psycho are you that wants to shove a computer up my ass? For one thing, computers are rather big. I seriously doubt that they would fit up ANYONE'S ass, although I've heard some very interesting stories about gerbils and other items (some large and some small) fitting up people's asses and it was quite a shock that these things actually fit up there. Also, why do you want to do that? Do you have some sort of fascination with asses? Whatever it is, it seems to be one of those things that you only hear about on "The Jerry Springer Show" and, like all those people (Jerry included), I think you've got some serious issues. I mean, you equated death threats and masturbation threats and at the same time, you love me(?). Where the hell is the logic in that? I sure as hell don't see it. Go get raped in public or screw a car's tailpipe. I think you fit right in with those two guys...

Comment:"hello.the govenment socks lots of things that i am not allowed to write at this moment. coke-o-cola supports child labor in third world countries. the mcdonalds co. buys out thousand of acres of rain forest land and destroyes it by raising cattle. procter and gamble the owners of products such as TIDE, PANTENE PRO V, ALWAYS, TAMPAX, JIF PEANUT BUTTER, AND SECRET DEODERENT kills thousands of animals each year with tests that are not even required by law. they do it for the pure joy of tourturing innocent animals. think before you go out and eat at fast food restuant, buy house hold items or food and drinks. by not doing so you could be helping facist companies destroy the earth and human kind as we know it. Later

Response:ALRIGHT!!!! My site has become a forum for serious social and environmental issues now. Actually, I'd rather this not happen. And these subjects are hardly of the type that I believe are incredibly important or even issues at all. First, you mention Coca-Cola and child labor in Third World countries. First of all, don't you know that "Third World" is politically incorrect nowadays? They are called semi-periphery and periphery countries now. Now, while I don't exactly condone child labor, my guess is that in these Third World countries public schooling barely (if at all) exists. Therefore, most children have nothing to do anyway. So, instead of roaming around, they are making some money. Also, I can almost guarantee you that any one of the families who has kids who work in these Coca-Cola factories will tell you that with the extra income, they are slightly better off than they were without it. Next, McDonalds destroys hundreds of acres of rainforest for cattle grazing? First I think it would be difficult for a company of McDonalds' international stature of fame to secretly buy such huge tracts of land in the already shrinking rainforest. Secondly, isn't it a tad HOT down there to raise cattle? As far as animal testing, hey, most of the animals on which tests are conducted are rats and mice. Rodents aren't exactly on the endangered species list, so who cares if a few are used for tests? In nature, animals perform all kinds of cruelties to one another (rarely to their own kind as humans do), just think of testing as a scientifically advanced cruelty that humans commit on lesser animals. So, why should I worry about any of these things when I take advantage of any of those products available to me because of these concerns which, for the most part seem to be false or exaggerrated? Humans are just like every other species that has ever controlled the earth. We spread, and consume, until everything we can use is gone and we make the environment unsuitable for ourselves, and more suitable for the next species to come along and dominate. That is the way of the world. It always has been. So, who are YOU to try and stop it? To think that humans can stop the natural progression of life on this planet is just plain arrogance.

Q:"Take this page off the web. You admit it sucks, so why even keep it up?"

A:OK, first of all, all who read this should know that this guy sent me a link to a site that I presume is his. I checked it out and I will share what I found as the proper time comes up in this rant. From what I gathered, pal, you're in High School. Fine, so be it, but maybe at some point, you oughtta learn about SELF-DEFECAT.. err, SELF-DEPRECATING HUMOR. That, my friend is the very purpose of this site. If I actually had the time and/or will, I'd go out and learn Java Script and get a much better knowledge of HTML and make a nice fancy site like yours (and without a web publishing tool, wussy). All this crappy HTML coding was hand done by me and only me. But I digress... Yes, I admit this site isn't exactly the ultimate model in web design, but it's here for fun, hence i don't take it seriously. Hence, it merely has enough to serve it's purpose. People can read it (I hope) and that's all they need to do. Beyond that, I'm not here to show off my friends, or anything for that matter. By the way? Isn't it illegal to have pictures of High School girls on the web? But I digress yet again. When I first designed this site, I decided that unlike other people, I wouldn't hide that fact. It's just a site... It takes up a very small corner of the web, and people from a lot places seem to enjoy it. So, Mr. Web Design guru, fancy J-Script doesn't always make the web page.

Comments:(1)"You think child labour is ok, though you "don't exactly condone" it, because they aren't roaming around and they're making a little money? Are you a fachist or something? Little is the operative word for the money they make. This is an ongoing problem that gets brushed aside with iditioc reasoning like that. This kind of reasoning, and ignorence, is what keeps these countries in the third world - and pardon my lack of political correctness but I don't do pc when it's just to make something sound nicer than it really is (i.e. to hide the truth of the matter) - under the economic oppression of first world powerhouses in the West. You should deticate a dumbass page for all the stupid shit you write."
(2)Fine print or disclaimer or whatever you want to use to bail yourself out of making an ignorent statement - whatever. The point is you - yes YOU - made that statement. You can give all the excuses you want, but if you walked up to a black man or woman and said, "the following statemnt should not be taken seriously: I think all niggers belong on an island" I'd like to see how they enjoy it. Statements are statements, whether you try to excuse them or not. You have a forum here in this humble corner of the web and you can choose to use or abuse it. Calling everyone a dumbass, making all kinds of demeaning statements - whether you mean them or not - and putting disclaimers everywhere that somehow make you think everything is ok with what you are doing seems to be leaning towards the "abuse it" side to me. Fun is fun. Making light of serious issues like child labour and rape: "I never really wanted to rape anyone... I'm starting to think that maybe I should modify my stance and wish rape on all the sick screwballs who ask me idiotic questions" is just gross. Speaking of idiotic: "I don't approve of it because I see no point in the act (of rape) since I can't see how it could be possible that anyone would get pleasure out of it" - this is why you don't approve of rape?!? You don't see how someone could get pleasure from it? WOW! How about: it destoys peoples self image, confidence, pride, feelings of security, lives in general, not to maention it's probobly scary and painful as hell. Just because you have some made up discalimer on your site doesn't mean you can shoot your mouth off (or fingers for that matter - keyboard!) without thinking first. I'm not trying to make an enemy and you can blast me all you want (the spelling insult really zinged me!), I just think you should think about what it is you're doing here. Sure, it's just a place to waste some time but... anyway, you've read what I think. Go ahead. Call me a dumbass!
(3)Hey. Don't be sour and help me out here. I'm trying to get the attari and games but don't really know what I'm at. I downloaded the 2600 thing and unzipped with my zip wizard but now I'm stuck. Please help - I want to play frogger!

Responses:(1)Well, well. Yet another person who has yet to learn one of most important rules of today's society: READ THE FINE PRINT! (jackass) Had you done that, you would see this page is not a place where I post my personal beliefs about this world. You would also see that I specifically wrote that my comments here are not to be taken seriously. If that wasn't enough, I would have hoped that the general vibe of this page would clue you in to the fact that IT'S A JOKE. Oh and by the way, it's Facist. If you're going to accuse of me of following one of the Ferris Bueller "isms," at least spell it right (jackass).
(2)YOU RACIST BASTARD!!!! How dare you say that all African Americans belong on an island?!?! How's the head of your KKK chapter in your redneck town? If anything further has to be said on that subject to get into your thick skull I don't consider it worth the effort. As far as the whole rape thing, for one IT'S A JOKE (jackass). Also, maybe you're right. Maybe it does destroy people's self-image and their pride, etc. However, I wouldn't know, because I have been fortunate enough to have not experienced it. Therefore, I have no idea what it's like so I will not place any assumptions on the subject on my website or any of my other random scrollings. Given that you're a male (info I got from another irrelevant e-mail to those outside this conversation), odds are you haven't experienced it either. Who are are you to make these assumptions? There actually are some people who enjoy the experience and enact it for their own pleasure in a controlled environment (obviously). How dare you offend those people (jackass)? Oh one more thing: You're a dumbass.
(3)Once again, Sparky, you have failed to READ. Instructions on how to get games are clearly delineated after the link. Beyond that, why don't you just treat the emulator like any other software and READ THE INSTRUCTIONS (jackass). Plus, I don't see how you can possibly expect me to help you after all your idiotic bantering here. Hooked On Phonics can work for you too, so you can READ (jackass).

Comments:(1)Are you for real? What kind of a person are you? You clearly took all my messages out of context, completely ignoring other e-mails, in order to get off on one of your sick rants on this web page. You're calling me a racist in this public place when you know this is not the case, you make assumptions about my sexual history (not to mention of people very close to me), and you make completely ignorant statements like "There actually are some people who enjoy the experience (of rape) and enact it for their own pleasure in a controlled environment." Controlled environment??? THAT'S NOT RAPE YOU ASSHOLE!!! PLEASE get your head out of your ass and take a good long look around you. Then look in the mirror and don't peel your eyes off that image until you realize how ugly you've become (I assume you were once a small child) and CHANGE! I am not one to react as strongly as this normaly but these are not normal circumstances. It's really brave of you to take these e-mails and show the parts YOU want to show on your site, making comments all the way through that make you look like a genius (in your eyes only I'm afraid) and others with honest, decent intentions seem crass. Why not change your Shrine from a facist (did I get it right this time?) editorial page to a forum? I'm pretty sure it's a free service you can add to your site that's available on the web. Then we'll see how smart you can be. I can't believe you. I actually reached out to you, tried communicate with you - and no, before you start making assumptions, I don't think communication with me is some kind of privelage or something. I told you I wasn't looking for a fight or an enemy. Why do you do this? What satisfaction do you derive? YOU KNOW I AM NOT A RACIST. Why say I am? I know I'm not a racist, jackass, dumbass, or anything else you've called me, so it doesn't hurt me to read those things. Whether other people believe you or not is none of my concern either, though I'm sure anyone with half a mind could, with even just the snippets of my messages you've provided, recognize that none of what you say about me is true. I just don't understand WHY you say them. What is the point of all this? This goes beyond wasting time or making jokes. I've visited some of your friends' sites and never found any indications that they were as flagrantly power hungry or ignorant as you appear to be. You know, we are both real, physical beings. We exist beyond this text and these monitors. We live in a real world with other real people in something affectionatly known as reality. Maybe you've lost touch with reality. Maybe you've lost touch with the idea of consequences for actions. Making jokes about being first on a shrine to dumbasses or smoking pot and driving to the beach or the point of a web site about wasting time are all ways to have a laugh and not involve people's feelings, beliefs, past and present circumstances, or just plain pain. Making jokes about rape, poverty, racism, etc. are abuses of power and subscriptions to ignorance. PLEASE consider what I have written you. If you want to make jokes about what I'm saying here, make fun of my spelling. I'm a bad speller I admit. I can laugh at that. Otherwise, take what I'm saying here seriously. I think you owe everyone who attends this site, and yourself, that. I'm eagerly awaiting your reply. You're more than welcome to post this on your shrine, and as I stated before I'd look forward to an e-mail as well.
(2)You know what's funny? I just read that whole section again in the shrine (my comments/your responses) and even though you misrepresented me and provided only portions of my comments your responses still end up making you like an idiot. Your retorts are so full of holes - are you sure you're a university student - that it almost smells like a certain cheese. Anyone who reads it would see that I am obviously not a racist and that you are a rambling idiot strugling to deal with the miniscule amount of power this web page has impacted on your fragile ego. I'm sure you weren't always this way, and as I previously stated many times I'm not looking for an enemy. If you read what you wrote with a clear mind and an objective spirit I'm sure you'd realize what it is I mean when I say it makes you seem like an idiot. I'm sorry if these e-mails tend to come on a little strong but this situation has brought out some strong felings in me. I'm a very passionate person but I also try to be objective at the same time - it's a constant strugle! If you can stop this tirade of trying to make me look like a "racist", "jackass", "dumbass", etc. (which, honestly, is only doing it to yourself) then I think we can come to some kind of understanding, and maybe even apreciate one anothers views. This, as every message has been since the first, is a peace offering. Please accept it. There are better games to play - like attari.
P.S. If you are going to continue the slander game, at least do me the courtacy of including all my messages: "Given that you're a male (info I got from another irrelevant e-mail to those outside this conversation)" I never once sent you any e-mails "outside this conversation" so please don't lie on top of everything else as well.
Don't forget - peace offering!

Response:Woa, you're pretty mad huh Sparky? Kinda bothers you that someone took what you said out of context doesn't it? In case you haven't realized yet, that's exactly what you did with all the stuff I wrote that bothered you as I see it. Given the fact that the overwhelming majority of the older questions in here came from personal friends of mine (specifically the ones dealing with rape), I know what the context of all of them was. By the way, check your memory again, pal. Every comment that I posted here was cut and pasted directly from the e-mails I got from you. I admit I left out a total of three e-mails (short e-mails at that). But that was only because they didn't add anything significant to this conversation. However, for your benefit, I will post them right now:

"(1)'have you ever wished to smoke pot near a school and run around playing jurassic park and fake fighting, then drive to teh beach for no apparent reason?' - now THAT's funny!
(2)Hey, when are you going to post the e-mail I wrote you and when are you going to tell me how to get the atari on my computer? C'mon, help a guy out. If I wrote something dumb like "what's it like having a bum for a face," would I get posted faster? I actually wanted to have a serious debate with you on the whole "joke" issue. You can always e-mail me - I just want a response. I'm not looking for a new online buddy or anything, I just want to know what you think about my comments.
(3)As for the attari thing - jeez, I was only looking for a little assistance."

There. Now every letter of the text from you that has flooded my inbox is on this web site. If you see anything specifically significant pertaining to this whole conversation here I'd love to hear what it is. The parenthetical message in the last response was telling those outside this conversation (everyone but you and I) that you revealed your sex in an e-mail that I didn't post (until now) because I did not consider it significant. You seem to be pretty upset because I called you racist, when (based on your words) you fell you clearly are not. Well, you called me an evil insensitive bastard based on my words, despite the fact that I specifically said that what I write on this page is not my personal beliefs. However, you held me accountable nonetheless. Using that logic, why can't I call you a racist? You did say that all African Americans belong on an island, even though it was clearly just an example you used to try and prove a point. Either way, you still said that. Do you think that late night talk show hosts (Letterman, Leno, etc.) really think of the President as nothing more than a sex crazed maniac? Do you believe that George Carlin really thinks rape is funny because if you picture Porky Pig raping Elmer Fudd, you can't help but laugh? Do you actually think that Dennis Leary wants to run over people who ride their bikes in the street? Do you really believe that Bill Cosby and/or his wife really hit their children? If you do, you've got problems. All these people are COMEDIANS. The public goes to see them and LAUGH at what they say because these people can make light of serious issues. Basically, there is a disclaimer running through the collective mind of the audience that says, "All comments said here tonight by Mr./Ms. (insert name of comedian here) are said purely in jest. They are not meant to be taken seriously." Gee, sounds like another disclaimer I've read... That is the point of this page. I make light of stuff people ask me that I feel is dumb. Because that is the purpose of this page, almost all of the questions/comments I get, are not by any means serious. They are textual representations of people who are trying to see how I react to the dumbest things they can possibly ask me. I, in turn, write the most obnoxious answers I can possibly think of. It's all in the interest of looking at it and laughing because the questions/comments are so insane and the answers/responses are so obnoxious. I treated what you wrote no differently. However, since you took it all so seriously that I actually got under your skin by making light of what you said. I called you a dumbass because you dared me to, indicating that it wouldn't bother you if I did. So, I went ahead and now you consider it a personal attack. I called you a racist because you gave me a giftwrapped window to use your own logic against you (because I seriously doubt that you are a racist) and you got very upset because you (once again) missed my point. Read it all over again, buddy boy, keeping in mind that I am laughing with every word I write. Realize that I am just screwing with you and making subtle points along the way (I thought that by calling you a racist you'd realize everything that I had to spell out for you above about how people can say crazy stuff when they obviously mean it in jest) and then calm the hell down. In conclusion, through this all you ask me for help with the Atari Emulator? (By the way, it's ATARI!!! There's only one T! Brush up on your 80's culture (jackass)...) You've called me an insensitive, evil bastard. You've called me an ugly person (not physically ugly, I know). You've called me an asshole. You've called me ignorant. You've called me a facist (and a fachist). After all the shit I've put up with from you, you expect help from me? You call your tirades and insults reaching out to me? You call those peace offerings? I call that being a self righteous pain in the ass who freaks out as soon as he hears a bad word regardless of the context it's in. You yell at me for calling you a racist when I "know you're not a racist" and I don't know you?? Well now I'm yelling at you for calling me everything you called me because you don't know me and you clearly have no understanding of why I wrote all the admittedly bad stuff I wrote here. Asshole. Jackass. Dumbass. Insensitive bastard. Facist.

Comment: I love weebles.

Response: Well, I love weebles too. Hell, I think we all love weebles. I mean, what would this world be without weebles? It's like thinking of a world without gnomes... You can't do it because it's virtually an impossibility. The world needs gnomes, weebles, and those pink flamingos on so many front lawns. Cause, I mean, it's no fun kicking the side of your house. But kicking a pink flamingo just rules. And playing football with a gnome is always fun (they have those pointy hats for a reason). As far as weebles, they're great to push around with your lawnmower. Makes the little bastards look like they're being chased... Hey wait a minute... What the hell is a weeble?

Comments: One word... Whoa! Why are the people who who submit to the shrine so hostile. They must have had it preety bad growing up. I visited that Cerulean Blue Page, and yup it sucks. I was there for thirty seconds and had to leave. It was dull.

I think your Page is Kinda cool in a perverted sort of way. It is like a guilty pleasure. It's like watching the view. I love that show, but I'll never Admit to it in public.

That guy that was talking about rape is a disgusting dirt Ball. I hope all his toe nails fall off.

Response:One word... Whoa! Another kindred spirit type. Well not really. As we all know I do this all in jest so nothing I say should be taken as gospel or in any other serious nature. But as far as my, ahem, detractors are concerned, many are just looking for a little attention and really care less than I do about what's up here (If that's possible). Others however, are just self-righteous asses who have taken it upon themselves to reform my evil despicable ass (self-righteous: convinced of one's own righteousness especially in contrast with the actions and beliefs of others : narrow-mindedly moralistic (Mirriam Webster's online dictionary)). C'mon, my page is a guilty pleasure (oops, you've just admitted to watching The View... my bad....). It's stupid, in very poor taste, and has a design that's outdated by four years. I just screw around on here and see who's out there who could possibly be offended by this insignificant tripe. Then there's the guy who complained about rape... Well, I don't particularly like him (he can't spell), but even that is no reason to wish someone's toenails fall off. How do you expect him to go through life? Toenails are such a necessity. You, my friend are one sick bastard. Yeah....

Comments: firstly (is that a real word?)
i too wonder where the hits on my site come from although despite my pleas for people to come forward and tell me, i face the rejection of guessing why everyday. To ofind your site I typed the words "waste of time" into an obscure search engine called paagalkhana.xrs which i am lead to believe is of pakistani origin.

*please note that alot of my time on the internet is dedicated to finding obscure yet un-nervingly entertaining websites, which i am pleased to inform you is the catogory i placed your site in.

secondly (i am pretty sure that secondly is a real word although i am still in doubt of firstly)
i am the grape god and i will crush your corpse to make my wine.

thirdly (real word i think)
i like your idea of having a crappy looking website but unfortunatly you have failed. In order to obtain the title of crap webmaster you have to publish your site on geocities and with the aid of microsoft front page plus, place clashing colours on lurid wallpapers and place graphics of huge resolution on your site for no reason.

fourthly (theres no way thats a real word)
i spend my free time skateboarding, occasionally i will hit an old pensioner and cause them great bodily harm. when this happens i laugh and realise what life is really about.... how do you spend you free time, do you invest your money in prostitution and drugs?

fithly
there is no fithly, i just wanted to write it down so i could point out how much it looks like the word filthy.

Response: Wow... Pakistan... heh heh... What do they Pack in... nevermind. Jokes that defy the mind in their level of stupidity are way too common in this world and I believe I'll only be adding to everyone's general misery by adding another. Besides, this little response is addressed to the GRAPE GOD, who will crush my corpse to make his wine. Well, in order for that to happen, I assume I must be dead first. So, before I die (aka while I'm alive), I will be sure to consume as many fermentation inhibiting products as I can think of so that my corpse will cause you (like I did in life to those who bothered me) much pain and anguish so that maybe you'll even give up and let me rot and fester in the earth. On that positive note, we go to the subject of my crappy website. I can't entirely disagree with you that my site isn't entirely crappy, but you must also understand that I created this site in part because I despised Geocities and all the sites they host. Now, let me clarify, I created this site in 1997, when the only people who used web development programs were the Geocities people because those programs did the same job (only much less efficiently) that I did (and still do) by writing my code by hand in Notepad. Hence, my site has fallen depressingly behind the times but maintains it's "unnervingly entertaining" character. The only thing I can say to that comment is Thanks.... someone appreciates my meager efforts. (kindrid spirit?) And of course then we move on to yet another rosy subject, your spare time. You run down old people on your skateboard. Do I invest my money in prostitution and drugs? NO. Absolutely not. Prostitution is immoral and drugs will ruin your life and kill you. But I unfortunately have no money to spend on them. Maybe next year when I have a job....

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